First loves last forever
by EmilyVonTrapp
Summary: "It's not fair!" she cried again. No it wasn't fair. After all the hardships they faced, they knew life wasn't always fair. They faced many challenges in life, but losing their children… "No it isn't…" He agreed with her. How Han and Leia dealt with the "loss" Of their son. [one-shot] Hurt/Comfort/Angst
1. Author's note Intro

First loves last forever:

 **Summary:** _"It's not fair!" she cried again. No it wasn't fair. After all the hardships they faced, they knew life wasn't always fair. They faced many challenges in life, but losing their children… "No it isn't…" He agreed with her._ How Han and Leia dealt with the "Loss" Of their son.

 **Words:** 1005

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters or the movies. They all belong to Lucasfilm…

And Disney…

 **Ps: I highly recommend you read this one-shot while listening to the song First Loves by Paul Mcdonald, I got this idea while listening to this song, and I honestly started crying while writing this because of the song… xd**

 **Oh. And this kinda contains a teeny tiny SPOILER kinda thing for TFA**

 **Side note:** my Star Wars craze didn't start until recently. I saw the movies for the first time last year. I didn't watch the prequels because I didn't want my own little fantasy about what went on in Leia and Luke's youth be ruined by that and because I think that you should stop after the 3rd movie, always stop at the 3rd movie. Unless you're doing a sequel with the original cast years later, yes I don't know about you but I liked the force awakens. Except for that one part where Han is being killed by Kylo… like no. just no. what did you just do. No. this is not. No this wasn't supposed to happen. AT ALL. So I'm kinda broken right now.

 **Side note 2:** to continue the beginning of my first side note, my Star Wars knowledge is limited to just the average. I think my mom hates Star Wars so no this wasn't in the family… I honestly started watching Star Wars because Carrie Fisher was in it, so I was more focused on her scenes/shipping Han and Leia. I know like the basic stuff and who all the main characters are, but It could be that I get some minor character's names wrong or some mechanical terms that I didn't get right. So please, I love criticism, but please don't criticize me on my SW knowledge… but then again. For me it's just about shipping Han and Leia. It's all about the fluff between them… well about just the tiniest amount of fluff ever to escape Han's mouth XD

 **Side note 3:** For people who don't know me because I'm totally new to this fandom, normally I write mostly about Julie Andrews movies, so this is a challenge for me. English is not my native tongue, (unfortunately) I was born in Holland, so I speak Dutch, but my heart goes out to speaking English, however you may find some small (or big, depends how you look at it) typo's or grammar errors in my stories, I take full blame for them but may come up with excuses like "I wrote this at 4 am, so yeah don't blame me for these typo's I was just tired" but you can basically ignore that because it was in fact 4 am and that was my tired mind speaking and I know that that's totally my own fault. Or if it's on weekends I might as well could've said it with a glass of wine on my desk (disclaimer: I'm no alcoholic, I'm 19 so I can legally drink in the EU but I'm quite lame cuz I (almost) never get drunk)

 ***Sigh** * With that being said I hope you enjoy this little piece :)


	2. First loves last forever

First loves last forever.

" _I can't keep holding on when you're already gone._

 _Just stay in my arms for a little bit longer._

 _When I close my eyes you're here with me._

 _I'm dancing with your memory._

 _A part of us will always be together because first loves last forever."_

"Leia…" Han entered the bedroom he and Leia shared. The room was lit by only the moon light coming from the window. He could hear silent sounds of soft weeping, but his wife's form was hardly noticeable from her spot against the wall. She sat in the corner of the room her knees pulled up against her chest softly rocking back and forth staring out in front of her. She hadn't slept for days, weeks even and didn't seem to notice her husband entering the room.

"Leia…" He hated this. He tried everything but he failed… He failed to bring their son home… Their son got lured by the dark side and there was nothing they could do about it. They noticed changes in his moods when they commed him from Jedi training. But all the things they tried, they didn't work. As a toddler they had already sensed things, and it would only be a matter of time before… before he would go to the dark side. They already lost their twins. They had to be sent away to keep them safe. And now they also lost their other son. "Leia… I tried everything… We… Luke, Chewie, 3P-"

"It's all my fault." He was cut off by his wife's voice. "It's all my fault." She repeated. "If I hadn't sent him off to Jedi training." Her sobs got louder and she buried her face in her hands "If I j-just wait- if I just waited t-till he w-was older!" Her sobs now turned in to screams. Screams of hurt, anger and guilt. "Leia, that wouldn't have made a difference!" Han rushed to her side but she would have none of it. "Let go of me!" She screamed at him and tried to kick her way out of his grasp "LET GO!" her cries got louder, and he put her head against his chest in one last try. This time she didn't fight him. Hell she was too tired to fight him. Instead she let her cries fade back into soft sobs. Silent tears leaving wet stains on Han's shirt. "It's not fair!" she cried again. No it wasn't fair. After all the hardships they faced, they knew life wasn't always fair. They faced many challenges in life, but losing their children… "No it isn't…" He agreed with her.

Even though they held each other as tight as they ever held each other. The connection was gone. They both knew it. The strings that tied them together snapped, and the only thing that was left was a piece of gold plated metal around their fingers. But they couldn't let go… not just jet. The room got silent again. The only sounds that could be heard were the two occupant's steady breathing. This was the end. She hugged him tighter taking in his scent one more time. His masculine scent of sweat and mechanical oil mixed with a cologne she bought for him years ago but still kept rebuying because it was the only cologne they both could agree on. He lifted her face to look at her. Her eyes red and puffy from her tears covering up the dark circles caused by a lack of sleep. Heads moved closer before their lips touched. Both allowing their tears to roll down their cheek getting mixed in with their locked lips. Leia knew Han came to say goodbye. She knew he wouldn't say it but she saw his bags packed by the front door. He lifted her up in his arms and laid her down on their-her bed. He tucked her in and kissed her forehead letting his lips linger for a bit longer. Leia tightly closed her eyes shut fighting a new rush of tears. His lips left the spot on her face, he turned on his heels making his way out of the room. "Han!" He turned around when Leia called his name "I love you…" She let the words fall from her lips one last time. "I know…" He replied one last time. Before she knew it the spot by the front door that used to be occupied by Han's duffel bag was now empty and a soft click from the door could be heard before disappearing into silent air.

* * *

And now here they were again. That lopsided grin she loved so much plastered on his face. Her beautiful smile. But his expression changed and his words made her expression change too, into a look of worry.

"I saw him Leia, I saw our son…"

soon her head was back resting on Han's chest his hand softly caressing her hair. It felt so good to be in his arms again. Even though she would never allow herself to admit it. She loved to finally smell his scent again, his lovely scent of sweat, grease and that same cologne. After all these years he still bought the same cologne she bought for him all those years ago. There were so many words she wanted to say to him. And so many comments she could've made about his cologne, but the only words that came out of her mouth were the same ones she said all those years ago.

"Bring him home…"

The promise he made but couldn't keep then, and the promise she feared he couldn't keep now. But right now she could only hold him hoping he would never let her go. _I love you…_ she tried in her head. Even if it was just a thought, it sounded good. As if he knew what she was thinking he pressed her closer. _I know…_

" _because you're my First Love._

 _Always my First Love._

 _and First Loves last forever._

 _My love for you is forever."_

* * *

So this is it… I hope you liked reading it!

Little side note: we all know that Leia probably wasn't the first girl Han has ever been with. But I truly think that Leia was the first women Han truly loved more than anything. So that explains the title and my song choice

Also I don't really know how kylo/ben got to the dark side, so just bear with me in my imagination xd. And for the purpose of this story I made the twins be part of the family and be younger than kylo/ben.

Please leave a review if you liked it, or if you didn't. constructive criticism only means that I can learn from it and become a better writer so even that's welcome too :)

Greetings!


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